


This Adorably Heartwarming Friendship We Have

by ArabellaTurner



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Relationships, F/F, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2019-01-07
Packaged: 2019-09-20 00:36:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 19,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17012172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArabellaTurner/pseuds/ArabellaTurner
Summary: There were a lot of reasons why Jared’s letter in the Sincerely Me Reprise would never work. Evan gave one of those reasons, but what if he had given a different one?Now Jared Kleinman must face the reprocussions of the way he treated Evan most of his life and decide just how much Evan truly means to him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Jared tries to write himself into the letters, Evan notices a few problems with Jared’s story.

“You know that kid from our school, Jared Kleinman? Yes, the insanely cool Jared Kleinman! I think we should start to make him a part of this awesome friendship we have! A part of this awesome friendship we have, this adorably heartwarming friendship we have! 'Cause all that it takes is a little...”

“Okay, no, Jared, obviously not.” Evan interjected, cutting Jared off, frowning. “What? What’s wrong?” Jared asked a little moodily. “Well, it doesn’t really make any sense,” Evan replied. “Oh, and I suppose it makes so much more sense that _you_ would be his friend?” Jared snapped back. “That, that’s not what I meant, Jared,” Evan said quietly. He looked uncomfortable. “Oh?” Jared said coldly. “And what exactly did you mean by it then?”

“Well, I-I just meant that it doesn’t make any sense for Connor to be trying to introduce us. I mean, I know we aren’t really friends, but we hang out enough that I definitely would have mentioned you to Connor and he definitely would have seen us together in school at least a few times.” Evan paused and scrunched his brow. “In fact,” he continued after a moment, “it actually could make sense for me to introduce you to him,” Evan turned bright red and looked down. “Only if you want to actually write yourself into the letters of course!” he then quickly added, turning a brighter shade of red.

Jared stared at Evan for a few seconds, his anger completely dissipating. He hadn’t actually meant this letter seriously anyways, but he was feeling a little left out and was hoping that Evan would pick up on that. Unfortunately, it seemed that Evan was as oblivious as ever, yet he hadn’t just outright rejected Jared. In fact, his suggestion would let them spend even more time together since they would have to work together on any letter that Evan wrote about Jared to get the story straight. Yet, as much as it excited Jared to think that his stupid plan had worked, something still bothered him about what Evan had said.

“What do you mean, ‘we aren’t friends’?” Jared asked softly. “Well, we aren’t, right? You said yourself that family friends and friends are different things.” Evan couldn’t meet Jared’s eyes as he said it. “Shit Evan, I didn’t expect you to take that comment to heart!” That wasn’t true though. Although Jared told himself he was only joking, he was never quite able to delude himself into believing that Evan knew it was a joke too. This only confirmed his hunch, yet somehow it still really hurt. Jared had always wanted to keep Evan at a perfect arm’s length away; close enough to hang out with, but far enough away to protect himself.

Only now Evan was starting to leave him behind and Jared realized that he was either going to have to pull Evan closer or push him further away. Sure, Evan might have thrown him a temporary rope with the whole “I’ll introduce you to Connor” thing, but eventually he wouldn’t need any more letters like that and he would leave Jared behind once again.

Jared noticed that Evan was staring at the floor and looking rather red. His eyes were suspiciously watery too. “Come on Evan,” Jared prompted gently. “We’ve known each other for almost 10 years now. You know me better than anyone else in the world, my parents most likely included. Do you really think that I don’t see you as a friend?”

Evan looked like he had been slapped. Was Jared making fun of him, or was he being serious? Evan wasn’t really sure which one was worse. On the one hand, this was a really cruel thing to joke about, yet on the other hand it was honestly a scary thought to think that Evan had misjudged Jared that badly for such a long time. Sure, he knew that Jared wasn’t as confident or popular as he pretended to be, but Evan couldn’t believe that what he believed for years was a begrudging acquaintanceship was actually genuine friendship. Didn’t Jared hate him?

Jared walked over and sat down next to Evan. He carefully put an arm around his shoulder. “You okay there Ev?” he asked kindly. Evan shook his head. This was all too much for him. “I’m sorry, man. I guess I never really realized just how much my words were getting to you.” Jared shook his head and blinked back tears. “Or maybe I just never really cared until I started to lose you.”

Jared let out a soft sob before continuing, “I was just so scared of you seeing who I really am and deciding you didn’t want me anymore that I acted like an asshole so I could blame the inevitable abandonment on that. But then you started to make new friends and actually abandon me and I realized that I didn’t want to let you go. So now here I am, writing terrible letters about sucking dick for meth and being in a heartwarming friendship with some dead guy I barely knew! I really am pathetic, aren’t I?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought it would be fun to explore how a single line change could possibly alter the story. I’ll try my best to keep all the characters canon compliant evan as the storyline diverges further. Relationships mentioned in the tags but not added yet will appear later, I promise.
> 
> This is my first fanfiction I’ve tried posting to this website, so I apologize if my formatting or tags are off.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared has finally come clean to Evan about his feelings and now Evan needs to figure out how to work his new friend into his web of lies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I probably should have combined this chapter with the first one, but it wasn’t done yet and I wanted to start posting something. In the future the chapters will probably be a little longer.

Tears streamed down Jared’s cheeks. He was sure that Evan would leave him now, but at least Evan wouldn’t be suffering anymore. Just as Jared was preparing himself to stand up and go back over to the bed to write a proper email, he felt a pair of arms wrap tightly around him and felt something warm and wet up against his shirt. 

Evan held tightly onto Jared as he sobbed into him. He was sure now that Jared wasn’t joking. There was a certain point at which it just gave Evan too much of an upper hand over him to be worth it anymore. Plus, Evan didn’t think that Jared was that cruel. And as it turns out, he might not actually be cruel at all. Thoughtless and selfish, yes, but cruel no. He was just as lonely and scared as Evan was and he felt just as left out and abandoned. 

Evan suddenly felt really guilty for how he had treated Jared lately. He really should have given him more than twenty dollars for all the help he had provided. Or maybe that was the wrong way of thinking about it? Maybe Jared didn’t care about the money at all and actually just wanted to spend the time together? It seemed impossible to Evan, yet that seemed to be what Jared was implying. 

A comfortable warmth spread across Evan’s body as Jared hugged him back. He felt his hair grow damp and realized that Jared was crying too. The two of them really were such a mess. 

Jared held on to Evan for dear life, afraid that if he ever let go, he would lose him forever. Evan was a good and kind person and he deserved friends like Alana who were nice to him and a girlfriend like Zoe who openly loved and cared for him. Jared realized that he really didn’t have any right to claim Evan for his own, but Evan currently wanted him around, and by god he was going to earn that right!

“Shh, shhh. It’s okay. You’re okay,” Jared whispered. He wasn’t really sure which one of them he was talking to, but he knew that they both needed to hear it right now. “I’m okay,” Evan whispered back. “Are you okay?” he asked. “I’m okay,” Jared reassured him, “We’re okay.” “Okay,” Evan replied. Jared chuckled a little. They had used that word way too many times in such a short amount of time. From within his shirt, Jared could hear Evan chuckle a little too. 

“Okay,” Jared said again. “Okay,” Evan replied. They both giggled a little bit more. Jared ruffled Evan’s hair a little, “Okay.” Evan looked up and gently poked Jared on the nose, “Okay.” Even more laughter. Jared tickled Evan on his side, “Okay.” “O-ok-kay!” Evan gasped out, laughing and trying to push Jared away. Jared laughed too, releasing Evan. Evan fell to the ground and looked up affectionately at Jared. Jared smiled back at him. 

The two of them continued to stare for almost a minute before Jared couldn’t take it any longer and got up and grabbed his computer from the bed. “Okay, lets get back to work and write a real letter now, okay?” Shit he just said the word again, twice! “Okay,” Evan replied with a grin. He sat down next to Jared who made a face at him. “This is going to be an ‘okay’ free zone for the test of the day, you hear me?” Jared ask. Evan looked meaningfully at Jared for a few seconds, saying nothing. 

“So help me Hansen, if you say it again, I’m leaving!” Jared cried, realized what Evan was thinking. “We are not saying that word again, do you understand?!” Jared stared directly into Evan’s eyes. Evan took a deep breath. There was a hint of mischief in his eyes that Jared rarely got to see. “Yeah, sure, whatever,” he eventually replied. Evan looked like he was going to burst from trying to contain his laughter, but somehow he managed it. Jared on the other hand, flopped down onto his pillow and sighed loudly. “You are going to be the death of me, Mark Evan Hansen!” He protested.

Evan smiled. Usually he hated it when people called him by his full name, but here in this moment Jared seemed far too much like an exasperated parent for him to be anything but amused. Besides, it was nice that someone knew him well enough to remember that. Maybe Jared really did care about him.

Evan picked up the computer and started typing. “Dear Connor Murphy, there’s someone I think you should meet. I mean, you’ve probably already met him before, but I think you two should meet more formally. You might remember that kid from our school, Jared Kleinman? I know I’ve mentioned him to you a few times, but...” Evan paused in his typing for a few seconds, trying to figure out what to say.

Jared gently took the computer from Evan’s lap and continued to write the letter. “but we were never really close enough before for me to consider him a friend. Recently though he’s changed a bit. He contacted me a couple of weeks ago. Apparently he’s been pretty lonely at camp and has been missing his best friend...” Evan snatched the laptop away from Jared. “Best friend?” he asked in surprise. “Of course, Ev!” Jared replied. “Just because Connor is supposedly your best friend, doesn’t mean you can’t still be mine!” 

Evan took a few seconds to process this. Logically it made sense, but there was something very sad about the story they were starting to construct. Well, there was always something horribly sad about pretending to be friends with a dead kid, but now Evan had a real friend and it was hard to figure out how to work him in there without accidentally implying that Jared was less important to him than Connor was or accidentally contradicting his claims that Connor was his best friend.

Jared smiled affectionately at Evan before taking the computer back and getting back to work on the letter. “Apparently he’s been pretty lonely at camp and had been missing his best friend. Honestly I never even thought we were friends, but apparently he’s just not good at expressing his emotions and dealing with people. Well, anyways, we ended up texting a lot recently and it turns out he’s actually a half decent friend. He says that come senior year he’s going to start to be a lot nicer in person too. So I was hoping that we could all meet up together once the school year starts and hang out. I’m looking forward to seeing you again and I think you’ll really like Jared! Sincerely, me”

Jared handed the laptop back to Evan and looked at him for approval. Evan read it over a few times, then changed the phrase “half decent” to “pretty amazing,” causing Jared to blush. “Come on Jare,” Evan said gently, “if you’re going to write yourself into this, at least make it realistic!” Jared beamed up at Evan and noticed that the gleam in his eyes was back. Evan Hansen looked so confident and happy in that moment. Jared wasn’t sure if calling him a “pretty amazing friend” was realistic, but he was happy Evan felt that way and he hoped that he could become the person Evan believed him to be.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared has vowed to become a better person, but it’s not easy when the people around him don’t even want to talk to him! And what happens when they start talking about The Connor Project?

The rest of the evening went by wonderfully. The two of them quickly knocked out a response from Connor saying that he was happy that they could see each other more frequently again too and assuring Evan that he would love to officially meet Jared. Jared was pretty sure that such a positive response was unlikely from Connor, but he supposed it was a fine one coming from fake Connor.

After finishing the letters, they hung out for a few hours and watched bad reality TV. Jared loved to make fun of the unrealistic scenarios and it was way more fun to do that with someone else by your side! After catching up to current with Keeping Up With the Kardashian’s, Evan decided it was late and he should head home.

After driving Evan back to his house, Jared returned home and laid back down on his bed. He wondered if Evan knew he was telling the truth about his loneliness at camp, or if he thought it was just a good excuse for the sake of the letters. Jared was supposed to meet up with some of the kids from camp the next day and he honestly wasn’t sure how much he wanted to go. The thought of spending time with Evan or even just working on The Connor Project seemed far more appealing to Jared.

After a few minutes of thought, Jared finally grabbed his phone and texted Evan. “Hey, what are your plans for the rest of the weekend?” After a couple of minutes he got a reply. “Well, tomorrow I’m going to be hanging out with Zoe, but I don’t really have any other plans besides homework and Connor Project work.” “Sounds like a busy weekend!” Jared replied. “Can I join you for the homework and Connor Project part?”

Evan smiled as he stared at his phone. When he left Jared’s place that night, he still wasn’t completely sure he believed it had all actually happened, but now Jared was asking to hang out again. “Of course Jare! I’d love the company and the help!”

Jared felt his heart soar. “Sweet! See you Sunday!” He replied. He then sent a couple of memes. Just because he was more honest with his feelings now, didn’t mean he was going to stop joking around and meming.

Evan rolled his eyes at the messages and sent a picture of a tree in return. The two of them continued texting each other nonsense for another half an hour before Evan admitted it was late and he should go to bed. The two said good night, and both fell asleep to pleasant dreams.

————-

The next day, Jared decided to brave the camp meetup. He knew that no one really wanted to see him there, but this could be a good chance for him to practice being a nicer person. Plus, he also just really loved bowling.

Jared showed up to the bowling alley just late enough to not be the first person there, but also earlier than he usually would when he was trying to arrive ‘fashionably late’. Around half of the kids were already there when he walked in. Jared took a deep breath, then put a smile on his face.

“Hey guys, ‘sup?” He asked, trying to sound cool without sounding mean. He was met with nothing but silence and a few stares. “Has someone ordered the pizza yet?” he tried again, hoping to make himself useful. “Yeah. We’re good on that already,” someone finally replied. Jared sighed. Today was going to be a long day.

While Jared did genuinely enjoy the bowling and the pizza was pretty good, he felt pretty left out. Any conversation that he tried to start was ignored and any he tried to join died almost instantly. That was, until he heard someone mention The Connor Project.

Jared immediately perked up at the mention of his best friend’s speech. He knew it might be a bad idea to get involved in this conversation, but now was his chance to prove to the others there that he did actually have friends at school!

“I think it’s really cool how one kid has managed to bring so many people together!” a girl named Patty continued. “I don’t know,” another kid named Marcus replied. “There’s just something about it that seems off to me. Evan keeps talking about how no one is alone and all his letters with Connor are full of hope, but Connor still killed himself. It almost feels like he’s hiding something!”

Jared got up and ran to the bathroom before he could say anything stupid. He wanted to grab Marcus and scream at him that Evan wasn’t hiding anything. He wanted to defend Evan’s honor and offer up a good excuse for all inconsistencies, yet he had nothing to give. The truth was that there were gaps and inconsistencies. And Marcus was right, everything seemed too hopeful to just end in Connor’s death like that. Clearly he and Evan were going to need to construct something depicting Connor’s downward spiral.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t really watch any reality TV, but I’m pretty sure that that show is still on. 
> 
> Next chapter I’m going to start bringing more canon characters into the story.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After spending Saturday with the Murphy’s, Evan is feeling more lost and confused than ever and turns to Jared to help him make sense of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So apparently I lied when I said I was bringing in other characters this chapter. Next chapter for sure though.

The next morning, Jared nervously made his way over to Evan’s place. Although he was excited to hang out with Evan, he was also worried about the letters. He wasn’t really sure how to bring up the problems with them without making Evan upset. He decided he would just need to wait for the right moment. 

After a few deep breaths, Jared made his way to the front door where he was promptly let in by Evan. As he followed Evan up to his room, he looked around a little. It had been a long time since Jared had last been here, yet it had barely changed at all. Everything in the house seemed a little old and outdated. Even the pictures on the walls of Evan and his mom were all at least a few years old.

Once they made it to Evan’s room, Jared sat down at his desk while Evan flopped down on his bed. “I know that I invited you over to do homework, but I want to talk to you about last night first,” Evan said, breaking the silence. “Sure, go for it,” Jared replied. 

Evan told him about his interactions with Larry and showed him the baseball glove. “It’s weird, Jared. My dad never wanted to do anything like that with me. I know Larry isn’t really my dad, but when we talked like that, I felt like I finally had one! And Cynthia is so nice to me. She never bugs me about my medicine or treats me like there’s something wrong with me. Sometimes I can’t help but wish that they were my parents. Is that awful? I mean, I love my mom, but I always feel like I’m just a burden to her. I’m not a burden to the Murphy’s though. Only everything they know about me is a lie. And now Zoe is coming over tonight and I feel like we’re finally making progress in our relationship, but do we even have a relationship, or is that just another lie?”

Evan looked desperately at Jared, begging him for help. Jared sighed. This was getting complicated. A part of him wondered if maybe Evan just needed to come clean. It was clear he was starting to get lost in his sea of lies. Yet coming clean would destroy him. Sure, he would still have Jared, but Jared didn’t think he made a suitable replacement family and girlfriend. Plus, if he ever told anyone, the whole Connor Project would come crashing down. Evan had done a lot of good with the project so far and it felt like such a waste to destroy it.

Jared could feel Evan’s eyes on him and knew he was hoping for an answer. “I don’t know, man,” Jared finally admitted. “I don’t know if your relationships with them are healthy or not. It’s great that you feel like you belong somewhere, but it almost seems like you’re a replacement son to them! Also, you are totally not a burden on your mom. She loves you Evan!” 

Evan looked down. “Is it wrong for me to be okay with being the replacement Connor? If it makes them happy and it makes me happy, then is there really anything wrong with it?” Jared just shrugged. “Like I said before, I don’t know. I’m not particularly good with the whole honestly thing or the whole healthy relationship thing, so I’m probably not the best person to ask. You could try talking to Zoe tonight. Not about the fake letter thing obviously, but you could talk to her about the replacement Connor thing. Or maybe try talking to Alana? She seems pretty good with people.”

Evan’s eyes grew wide at the mention of her name. “Shit! I was supposed to meet with her this evening to hand out postcards, but that’s the same time Zoe’s coming over!” Evan looked like he was going to start hyperventilating. “If I cancel on Alana, then she’ll think I don’t care about the Connor Project, but if I bail on Zoe or bring her along, she’ll get mad. She was so excited to hang out with me and not have to think about Connor. If I abandon her for his sake, then she’ll feel like I don’t really care about her and...”

“Calm down, Ev,” Jared said placing a hand on Evan’s shoulder. “I can go in your place to meet Alana. Just tell her something came up and you can’t come, but I’ll be there instead. I’m sure as long as she gets the help, she won’t care who it came from.” “You’re okay with that?” Evan asked hopefully. “Sure man. You have a lot on your plate right now and talking to Zoe can probably really help you. But if I do this for you, then you do need to talk to her, okay? I’m sure she’s noticed your weird relationship with her parents too. It might be good for both of you to get that out in the open.” Evan nodded then hugged Jared. “Thanks for your help. You really are a lifesaver!” Jared smiled and hugged Evan back.

————

For the next couple of hours, the two of them worked on homework. Evan was still in a pretty fragile state, so Jared decided to hold off on bringing up the letters until after Evan talked to Zoe. He didn’t want to overwhelm him with another problem before this one was taken care of. 

And as for the idea of Evan talking to Zoe; Jared took any jealousy he might have, and squashed it to the bottom of his heart. He was not going to let his own feelings get in the way of Evan’s happiness any longer.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Evan decides what to say to Zoe, Jared and Alana hand out postcards.

After parting ways with Jared, Evan decided to clean up a bit to make the house seem little nicer for when Zoe came over. He was super nervous about her seeing where he lived and super nervous about talking to her about his relationship with her parents, but he knew it was now or never.

He still felt a little bad about bailing on Alana. Even though he had given her warning and sent Jared in his stead, she had still sounded a little disappointed when they had talked earlier. He had assured her that he still cared about the project, but she didn’t seem to fully believe him. 

Before Evan could get too lost in his thoughts however, he heard the doorbell ring. Zoe had arrived.

———-

Jared felt pretty stupid as he pulled into the parking lot. He never got along all that well with Alana. Her incessant cheerfulness really pissed him off for some reason. How could anyone be that happy all the time? She had to be lying. Or crazy. One of the two.

He was also pretty sure that Alana knew that he didn’t really like her. She was usually nice to everyone, but every time Jared tried to take and sort of independent action in the Connor Project, she shut him down. Yet here he was, offering to help her all evening.

Jared barely made it out of the car before Alana came running up to him, waving the postcards and smiling. “Hi Jared! I’m happy to see you made it. I’ve mapped out locations that would make the most sense for us to go to as the evening rolls on. I also have a list of things we should try saying to people. I figured we could start together and once you got the hang of it, we could divide and conquer.”

“I know how to hand out pieces of paper,” Jared muttered. “Of course. I just think that if we follow a more specific plan, we could gather more awareness,” Alana countered. She was still smiling at Jared, but the smile didn’t quite reach her eyes. 

To be honest, Alana was barely holding her anger back. She was mad at Evan for bailing on her and she wasn’t really looking forward to working with Jared. Evan was nervous and not great around people, but at least he tried. Jared turned everything into a joke. She wasn’t even sure why he agreed to help with the Connor Project since he complained about it all the time and never seemed to take anything seriously.

But Alana was never going to say any of that out loud. Even if she didn’t really like him, he was still an acquaintance. He was someone who was willing to put up with her, so she supposed that counted for something. 

“It’s not that I don’t trust you, but time is running out and we still have a lot of money to raise,” Alana continued. “And now Evan can’t make it tonight and I don’t know why.” Her smile slipped for a few seconds before she quickly recovered it. “Well, no matter. With or without Evan, we must press on!” And with that she began walking over to the street corner with a slightly concerned Jared following a few steps behind.

Seeing Alana’s disposition crack like that, Jared was certain now that the happiness was an act. A few days ago, he would have assumed she was just a phony person, but now he was starting to wonder if maybe they were just more alike than he had originally thought. Maybe tonight was a good night to start making an effort with her. At the very least, he intended to start taking the Connor Project more seriously.

At first Jared tried to stick to Alana’s script, but it just didn’t feel genuine, especially when people asked him questions. He wasn’t doing this to honor some kid who killed himself; he was doing it to protect those who were still alive. 

Alana frowned when she noticed that Jared seemed to be avoiding talking about Connor. The whole project was started because of him, yet now it seemed like no one cared about him anymore besides her. Not that she really knew Connor in life. They had never been friends or anything, but sometimes she felt like she could relate to him in a way that she couldn’t with anyone else. Even Jared and Evan had each other, but she and Connor had both always been alone. 

Or at least that’s what she thought until she learned about his friendship with Evan. As it turned out, even Connor Murphy had more friends than she did. Yet he faded so quickly from everyone’s memories without constant reminders. If someone who actually had a friend could be forgotten so easily, what chance did she ever have?

Alana decided to abandon the divide and conquer plan. There were some questions she wanted to ask Jared and she was afraid if they split up, they wouldn’t reconvene.

After another hour, they finished handing out all of the postcards. Alana did have to give Jared credit for his ability to charm people. She didn’t think he could sound so inspirational, but she still wished he mentioned Connor’s name a little bit more.

When they were finished, Alana suggested that they stop by a coffee shop and get something, her treat. Seeing this as an opportunity to maybe get to know her a little better, Jared agreed.

The two of them ordered their coffees, then sat down. Jared fidgeted a little, unsure where to start. Did he try to call her out on fake happiness, or did he start by telling her about himself? What if he was wrong about her? He didn’t want to jeopardize the Connor Project. Maybe it was better to wait?

Jared never did get to decided what course of action to take because, before he could make his decision, Alana piped up, “You and Evan are hiding something from me about Connor. I want to know what it is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really love Alana, so I’m super happy she’s finally made it into the story. Next chapter Zoe will finally actually appear.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan starts to open up a little to Zoe and begins to wonder if he has made a mistake.

Evan nervously opened the door and let Zoe in. It was nerve wracking enough for her to visit his house for the first time, but now he had other things on his mind as well. He awkwardly ushered her inside and led her up to his room. 

Zoe looked around upon entering Evan’s house. It was smaller than her own without a lot of luxuries, yet it felt welcoming and homey in a way hers never had. Along the wall were numerous pictures of Evan and his mom. She stopped to admire one and smiled. Evan was maybe five years old in the picture and wore a big, toothy grin.

Evan looked really happy in most of his younger pictures, but as he got older, his smile grew smaller and more strained and there were no current pictures at all. Although Evan’s mom appeared in some of the pictures, his dad never did. There were also only two pictures of Evan with a friend, and in both cases that friend was Jared and the two boys were less than 10. 

Zoe wondered what sort of life Evan had live to have such a sad history of pictures hanging on the wall. She supposed it was the sort of life that would lead someone to want to be friends with Connor. Evan said that Connor was nice to him and the letters seemed to indicate that, but Zoe just couldn’t quite believe it.

Realizing that she was letting her thoughts dwell on Connor, Zoe shook her head and quickly turned to Evan. “You were a cute little kid,” she informed him with a slightly forced smile. If Evan noticed her discomfort, he didn’t show it. Perhaps it was just because he was so uncomfortable himself. 

Evan blushed deeply. Hearing praise like that from Zoe was nice, but he also didn’t think she really meant it. Her voice sounded strained and her smile didn’t meet her eyes. He wondered if something was bothering her. Maybe she wanted to see him because was going to break up with him? He felt his heart beating a little faster. “Calm down, Evan,” he told himself. “You asked her over, not the other way around and she hasn’t even said anything bad yet.” The words didn’t really calm him, but he wasn’t sure anything would. 

“Thanks,” he replied suddenly, realizing that he had been silent for longer than he should have been. Zoe smiled at him and after a few seconds of awkward silence, she asked if she could see his room. “Oh! Of course!” Evan panicked. Zoe nodded and took his hand.

Evan’s room was basically the opposite of Connor’s. While Connor’s was messy and full of stuff, Evan’s was tidy and minimalist. Once again, Zoe was left wondering just what had drawn the two boys to each other.

“Listen, Zoe. Can we talk?” Evan’s voice was strained and his hands pulled furiously on the hem of his shirt, but there was a determined look in is eyes. “Of course, Evan,” Zoe reassured him. She sat down on the bed next to him and gently took his hand and kissed his cheek. Evan squeezed her hand back in response. “So what is it you wanted to talk to me about?” she asked encouragingly. Evan paused for a few seconds to take a deep breath, then replied “your parents.”

Zoe looked confused. “My parents? What about them?” “I wanted to talk to you about my relationship with them.” Zoe nodded as understanding dawned on her. She had always felt that they doted on Evan a little bit more than was healthy, but she assumed that was just her imagination. But now if Evan wanted to talk to her about them, then maybe he was starting to feel the same way.

“Your parents are amazing people, Zoe. I know that you might not always feel that way, but they have been so welcoming and kind to me. They make me feel wanted and like I belong. They make me feel special and important and, and...” Evan’s face crumpled a little, “they make me feel loved. Zoe, sometimes I feel like I belong in your family more than I do in my own. Sometimes I imagine what it would be like if your parents were mine.”

Zoe looked sadly at Evan. So he had noticed it too. Her parents really did treat him like a replacement Connor. They saw him as a version of Connor that was cleaned up and devoid of all his faults. When they read the letters and heard the stories, they were able to imagine a version of Connor that was only good. And when they doted on Evan, they were able to imagine that they were doing the same to their son.

“Oh Evan,” she whispered, pulling him into a hug. “It’s okay. You’re okay.” Evan tensed up a little bit. He wasn’t sure why. The hug should have felt comforting, but for some reason it didn’t. It certainly wasn’t because of Zoe. She radiated warmth and love. Yet none of that warmth or love managed to reach Evan. Instead he felt a cold darkness wrap around him. Zoe was so good to him. She never made fun of him or belittled him. She had plenty of reasons to doubt his story and even more reasons to dislike a friend of Connor’s, but she put it all aside for him. And he didn’t deserve any of it. Evan was a liar who had manipulated an entire family into taking him in and loving him, yet here she was, telling him that nothing was his fault.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Alana attempts to understand what Jared and Evan are hiding from her, Jared starts to understand Alana a little more. But when Jared is faced with a difficult decision, to what extents will he be willing to go to help his friends?

“I don’t know what you mean,” Jared protested, trying his best to keep any worry out of his voice. “The letters Jared,” Alana pressed on. “They don’t add up. Something is off about Evan’s story. And you seem to avoid talking about Connor as much as possible too. Not to mention your little switch off tonight. What are you guys hiding and why? Don’t you care about the project? Don’t you care about Connor?”

With each question, Alana’s voice got a little higher. Jared expected Alana to be angry right now, but she just seemed hurt. It occurred to him that the two of them really were quite similar. Right now Alana was feeling left out and abandoned, but instead of just outright saying it, she obsessed over the letters and the fundraiser.

But just because Alana wasn’t a bad person, didn’t mean Jared was going to tell her the truth. There was just absolutely no way that was going to end well. And even if by some miracle it did help her, it still wouldn’t save the Connor Project. Yet all he had to offer to appease her were the letters he and Evan had written earlier. He wasn’t even sure if it made sense for him to have the letters to give to her. How could he parlay any of this into a satisfying answer?

“I’m waiting, Kleinman,” Alana said, snapping Jared out of his thoughts. “Look, I’m not trying to accuse you of anything, I just want to know what’s going on. I’m scared that at this rate we aren’t going to make the goal and I feel like you and Evan aren’t really pulling your weights.” 

“Why do you care so much anyways?” Jared asked her. After seeing her face contort in anger, he quickly clarified, “I’m not accusing you of anything either. I just really want to know.” Alana sighed. She supposed it was only fair that if she was going to get information out of Jared, she had to offer some up herself. “I care because I know what it’s like to feel forgotten and alone. The Connor project was a chance for me to prove that people like myself still matter.” Her eyes welled up with tears. She worked so hard to keep up her cheerful persona, yet Jared of all people was breaking through it.

Jared placed a hand gently over Alana’s. “Then we’re both here for the same reason,” he informed her. She looked up at him in surprise. “The Connor Project isn’t just about Connor, Alana. It’s about everyone who feels marginalized and abandoned. It’s to help those who feel lost and alone find their way.” “But if it matters so much to you, why don’t you seem to care about it?” Jared looked uncomfortable. He was going to have to give some sort of an answer. He needed to find an explanation for all of Alana’s questions.

He thought about Evan; about how happy he was right now. He could never betray him like that and tell Alana the truth. He also couldn’t just leave things the way they were though. He was part of the reason why Evan was in this mess and part of the reason why Evan had felt so lonely. Hell, he was part of the reason why Connor had felt so lonely. He was part of the reason why Connor had felt so lonely... Jared had his answer. He hoped Evan would forgive him for what he was about to do and he prayed that it would be enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I debated combining this with the next chapter to make a long one, but I felt that it felt more natural to make 2 shorter chapters instead.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared has made up his mind to help Evan and the Connor project, no matter what it means for himself.

“It all started last summer,” Jared began. “I was really lonely at camp. I was miserable and hated almost every second of it.” Well, so far no lies there. “I was so desperate for friends that, despite the way I always denied any friendship between us, I decided to reach out to Evan.” Jared told her all about the story he and Evan had created in the letters, adding a few more crucial details.

He claimed that Evan had told him about his friendship with Connor by accident then freaked out about it, so he eventually decided to have Jared and Connor meet on the first day of school. He also said that Evan complained that Connor seemed a little more distant after he mentioned Jared. Jared didn’t want to outright state that Connor was jealous of him, but he wanted the implications to be there.

He then shifted back somewhat to the truth. “Well, the first day of school rolled around and suddenly I saw Evan for the first time in person in months. I was super nervous and not really sure what to say and I said things that were a little meaner than I intended. I was angry at myself for being stupid, so I lashed out at someone else. Unfortunately that someone happened to be Connor. I told him he looked like a school shooter and called him a freak. He got mad at me and mad at Evan, then when Evan tried to say something, he shoved him and ran away. It’s my fault that they got in a fight that day and it’s my fault that Connor felt so hurt.” 

Jared bowed his head with regret. How could the worst part of his story be the part that was actually true? Although Jared hadn’t really blamed himself before, he was starting to think that maybe he really was partially responsible for Connor’s death. “It’s my fault that Connor is dead. Evan just wanted us to be friends and I took that friendship and destroyed it.”

Alana wasn’t sure how to react. She felt bad for everyone involved. Jared clearly felt guilty, Connor had been hurt, and Evan had gotten stuck in a war between two people who didn’t quite understand how friendship worked. She also understood why they had kept this a secret. It didn’t really go with the message of the Connor Project. But maybe that was what they were missing. Alana herself had felt that something was missing from the story, so maybe others had too. If they knew the truth the way she did, maybe they would also understand why this was so important!

“You need to tell people this!” Jared shook his head. “I can’t, Alana. If I do, then it will ruin everything!” “No! This is what everyone needs to hear! They need to know the truth! They need to understand why Connor went from trying his best to change to, well...” Alana trailed off, but Jared didn’t need her to finish. He thought back to what Marcus had said. Maybe this was the closure people needed. “All right,” he finally agreed. “How should I tell them?”

About an hour and a half later, the two of them had a video shot and edited. It wasn’t as powerfully moving as Evan’s speech or as polished as one of Alana’s announcements, but it was raw and real just the same. Jared channeled all the self loathing and love towards Evan he could muster into it. As long as people saw him get emotional, they would believe it, right? 

“Are you ready?” Alana asked, placing a hand on Jared’s shoulder. Jared nodded nervously. “I’m ready, Alana. It’s time the world knows just what I have done.” Jared closed his eyes, then pressed post.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan attempts to talk to the Murphy’s, but has so trouble with it.

Evan felt tears well up in his eyes. Just what was he doing? “Zoe, I...” He didn’t know what to say. “Did you want to talk to them?” Zoe asked as she let go. “What?” Evan wasn’t sure what she meant. “Did you want to talk to my parents? I know it’s a scary thing and that you really don’t like confrontation, but honestly I think it might help if you talked to them too.”

Zoe couldn’t believe what she was suggesting. She almost never sat down and talked to her parents herself and she certainly hadn’t since Connor’s death, yet here she was suggesting it to Evan. She wondered a little guiltily if maybe she was trying to get Evan to talk to them for her. After all, she was worried about the same things and this was a good way to point out to them just how weird they were being.

Oh well. Whether or not she was going to benefit from this, it would still help Evan, so she supposed it wasn’t a bad thing to suggest.

The car ride over to the Murphy’s house was quiet. Evan was grateful to Zoe for her help and understanding, but he was still terrified. He didn’t want to upset them or ruin his relationship with them. Zoe noticed how tense Evan appeared. “I’m not saying that you should ask them to stop being nice to you, Evan. I just think that you should try sorting things out a little bit. I don’t want you to feel like you’re just some replacement son to them and I don’t want them to view you that way. You are an amazing person in your own right and you deserve to be treated that way. You are so much more than just Connor’s friend!”

Evan felt another knot in his stomach. The words should be comforting, but instead they just hurt. He really didn’t deserve someone like Zoe. 

Cynthia and Larry were surprised to see Evan and Zoe arrive at their house, but welcomed them in anyways. Within a couple minutes of entering, Evan found himself sitting on the couch with a glass of lemonade in his hand. Now more than ever, he felt hyper aware of the kindness he was being shown. 

“I thought you two were going to Evan’s house tonight? Is something wrong? Are you okay Evan, darling?” Cynthia looked so worried. Evan gulped. “N-no. N-nothing is w-wrong.” Evan felt himself tripping over his words. His whole mind was going blank. If he wasn’t careful, he was going to lie. And if he lied, Zoe would realize that he was lying. And if Zoe realized that, then she might start suspecting him of other lies. 

Evan could feel his chest tightening up and his breathing become more labored. At this rate, he was going to start hyperventilating. He wondered briefly if he should ask Jared to come help him. He was probably done with Alana by this point and Evan could really use the support. Jared made him feel safe and calm in a way no one else did, not even Zoe. Especially not Zoe. Shit. Zoe and her parents were waiting for him to say something. Anything. Shit. He couldn’t do this. Shit.

“Evan, sweetie? Are you okay?” Cynthia looked so worried about him. Evan felt even worse. She felt bad because he was having trouble with his lies. Evan opened his mouth to say something when Zoe’s phone buzzed, then buzzed again. Then again. Her phone seemed to be going crazy. Then Evan’s own phone buzzed. That was weird. Jared, Alana, and Zoe were basically the only people who contacted him. 

At first the buzzing was a little annoying, but eventually Zoe started to get worried. What was going on? A quick check of her phone informed her that it had to do with Connor. “Hey Evan,” she said concerned. “You might want to see this.”

Evan felt his heart shatter as he watched the video. Jared sounded like he really believed that this was all his fault. Jared was supposed to be the one person who knew the truth, so how could he also be caught up in his lies?

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Cynthia asked softly. Evan looked up at her, tears welling up in his eyes. “I had no idea what happened that day. Why did you hide this from us?” “I-I didn’t want to make you sad,” Evan finally choked out. “Oh Evan.” She looked so sad. Evan wondered once again if he had made a horrible mistake. “I have to go,” he said suddenly. “Evan?” Zoe looked worried. “I’m sorry.” Evan ran out the door as fast as he could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m not quite as happy with this chapter, but middles of stories have never been my forte and I wanted to publish something so I could get back to the more fun parts, so hopefully things will pick back up again by the next chapter.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan confronts Jared about the post and tries to decide where to go from there.

The Murphy’s house was a few miles from his own, but Evan didn’t care. By the time he got back to his house, he was sweaty and exhausted. 

He ran inside and collapsed on his bed. It was bad enough that Jared seemed like he meant what he said, but even worse was the public reaction. People were furious at Jared. The called him an asshole, a monster, a heartless bastard, and a murderer. Over and over again, people claimed that Jared was the one who should have died. Evan felt sick to his stomach. How could people say that? The Connor Project was to let people know that they mattered, not to tear them down!

The most horrifying part of it was that the GoFundMe had met its goal. In the wave of anger, people had donated more. Jared’s suffering was actually creating positive results. How could this be okay?

Evan stared down at his phone, tears streaming down his cheeks. All evening he had been thinking how much he didn’t deserve Zoe, but now it was clear he didn’t deserve Jared either. Why would he do something like this for him? And unlike Zoe, Jared knew exactly what sort of monster Evan was, so why would he want him anyways? Eventually he couldn’t take it anymore. He navigated through his contacts and clicked call.

“Hey Ev,” Jared replied. He sounded tired. “Jared!” Evan cried, “what on earth were you thinking?” Jared felt bad. Evan sounded so upset, but what other choice did he have? “I just wanted to help you out. Besides, I really did say those things to Connor and cause him to push you. Not to mention the “sex” letter you wrote. I’m not sure exactly what you said, but it had to be pretty bad to be mistaken for a suicide note and I was part of the reason why you felt that way. Maybe what I said wasn’t completely true, but it wasn’t a total lie either.”

Evan was livid. “Jared, you can’t just keep taking all the blame like this!” “Why not?!” Jared challenged, “My whole life, all I’ve done is take from you! Why can’t I try to help you now?” Evan felt his body shaking in rage. “You think this is helping me?” “Isn’t it?” Jared’s voice was strained. “Your story makes sense now! You got the funding you needed! The Connor Project is a success and no one will ever question it. You got everything you wanted!” Evan felt his heart stop.” “I didn’t want it like this.” His voice was a whisper now. “I didn’t want for you to get hurt to get me there.”

Jared stared silently at his phone for a minute. “I don’t mind it,” he said finally. “I don’t mind what they say. Let them say it. Let them hate me. I’m a horrible person and I deserve it. As long as they don’t hate you, I’m happy.”

“You’re not a horrible person,” Evan said, tears streaming down his cheeks. “You’re an amazing person Jared! How can you think that you deserve to be treated this way? How could you ever think I would be happy with this? If this is the best possible outcome for the Connor Project, then forget it! I’m telling everyone the truth!”

“What?! No! Why would you do that?!” Jared cried desperately. “Because I care about you, idiot! Because I’m not going to stand by and let a project I created to remind people they aren’t alone be the reason why my best friend is being treated like a murder! I won’t do it! And if I lose the Murphy’s and Zoe in the process, so be it. I’m not losing you!”

Evan hung before Jared could say anything. Jared considered calling him back, but realized it was no use. It was odd, really. Everything Evan has said was full of love and concern, yet it made Jared feel so hollow. He thought he was finally getting this whole friendship thing down, but maybe he was wrong. Despite all his efforts to the contrary, he had still ended up hurting Evan. Jared collapsed on the ground and began to sob. He didn’t know what to do anymore. He supposed the only think he could do was let Evan make his own decisions and support him from the sidelines. Maybe that’s what he should have been doing all along. And so Jared sat there until his tears had dried up, silently waiting for the inevitable.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan begins his confession and starts preparing to face the Murphy’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know these last few chapters have been a bit shorter. They should start getting longer again with the next one.

And so Evan began to record a post himself. It was a tearful confession of what he had done and what had really happened. He apologized to the Murphys, to Jared, to Alana, and to Connor himself. He also told everyone about his suicide attempt. About how in that moment, he had felt so alone and how, when he saw people forgetting about Connor, all the pain came rushing back. He couldn’t bear to think that someone like Connor didn’t matter because then he knew he wouldn’t matter either. He told them how he wanted to matter and how he wanted to believe that someone out there would miss him if he disappeared. 

The last thing Evan added was a promise to refund the money from the GoFundMe. Although it killed him to have to let it all go, he knew that he couldn’t use money that he scammed people out of. If he wanted to properly honor Connor’s memory, then he would have to do it the correct way. 

As Evan was finishing up with his recording, he heard his mom come home. Giving one last apology, Evan finished the recording and quickly closed his computer just seconds before his mom walked into his room. “Evan, are you okay? What’s going on right now? Mrs. Kleinman called me earlier and said that Jared was getting death threats. What’s going on? I looked online and saw something about something called The Connor Project. And you are one of the copresidents? Since when were you running something like this? And since when were you friends with Connor? What’s going on, Evan?”

Evan stared silently up at his mom. He didn’t know what to say to her. It was all so much easier to say when he was alone in his room. How could he tell her when she was looking at him? “Evan?” she prodded again. “What’s going on?” 

Evan began to sob. “I messed up,” he whispered. “I messed up and I hurt everyone around me.” Heidi wrapped her arms tightly around him. “It’s okay, Evan. Whatever happened, I will always love you and be proud of you.” “You’re proud of me?” Evan asked in surprise. “Aren’t I just a burden to you?” 

Heidi felt her heart break. “You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, Evan. I love you so much. I know I’m not always there when you need me, but I love you so much.” Evan sobbed into her arms. “Mom, there’s something I think you should know. It’s about Connor.”

Heidi held Evan close the entire time he told her his story. “But why did they think that your note was a suicide letter?” She asked, afraid of the answer. “Because it very nearly was. I mean, I didn’t really want to die just then, but I have before and in that moment I wasn’t too far off.” “Oh, Evan!” she cried. “I don’t feel that way anymore,” Evan promised. “I don’t feel alone anymore. And even if everything falls to pieces, I’ll still have Jared, so for once I have some hope that I won’t end up alone again.” 

“You have me too,” Heidi whispered. “I know that I can get really busy and that at times I’m not there for you, but if you ever need me, Evan, I am just one call away. No job or class could ever be more important to me than you. You will always have me there for you. Always!” The two of them hugged again. Evan felt safe and warm. He also felt a great sense of relief. Clearly telling the truth was the right thing to do. No matter how badly it might hurt people at first, in the lies only caused pain.

“Thank you mom, for everything. I think it’s time I clear things up now. I’ve recorded a video to post on the website, but first I want to tell the Murphy’s. It’s time I come clean to them.” “Okay, baby,” Heidi agreed. She felt bad that she couldn’t help him here, but this was something Evan had to do on his own and it looked like he was ready to do it.

Before leaving, Evan sent a text to Jared. “I’ve told my mom and prepared a post for the Connor Project page. I want to tell the Murphy’s in person before I post it, but it will be up by tomorrow morning. This isn’t a punishment Jared. This is just the right thing to do.” Jared’s eyes filled up with tears. “I know, Ev,” he finally replied. “Good luck talking to them. You are a brave and kind person and no matter what happens, know that I am proud of you.” Evan responded with an emoji heart. Jared closed his eyes and sighed. After all these years of fumbling around and destroying everything, he was finally starting to understand how to do this. Jared held his phone close and wished his beloved Evan the best of luck.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan finally tells the truth to the Murphy’s.

Evan felt rather guilty for showing up at 3am, but he wanted to tell them before he chickened out. That’s not to say that he wasn’t completely terrified, but right now he was motivated by the love and support of his mom and Jared and he didn’t know how much longer that motivation would last him. 

He looked back at his mom’s car and saw her give him a little wave and a sad smile. He really appreciated that she was being so supportive while still letting him call the shots. Letting the love run through him, Evan forced his breathing to steady and rang the bell.

Although confused and tired, Cynthia answered the door and let him in. “Evan! What’s wrong? You ran out earlier and now you’re here so late. What’s going on, sweetie?” Evan looked at the ground, unable to meet her eyes. “There’s something I need to tell you.”

It really was so much harder to say in person, and to the people he hurt no less, but Evan slowly forced the words out. He explained and apologized for everything. “I never meant for this to happen this way. I never even meant to pretend to be his friend. You just looked so sad that I couldn’t stop. Then you were so nice that I didn’t want to stop. But I was wrong. You told me that I shouldn’t keep things from you to protect you and here I was lying to protect you. Or at least that’s what I told myself. Maybe I was really only protecting myself. I really am so sorry.”

Tears streamed down Evan’s cheeks and his whole body trembled. “I know that I can never make this up to you. In fact, I’m pretty sure what I’m going to do next will temporarily hurt you, but I think I need to. I’m going to tell the world what happened and I’m going to refund the GoFundMe. If you will let me, I’d like to try to raise money for Connor again, but not like this. I don’t want the world to honor a fake Connor and I don’t want his legacy to be built on lies. I know that when I tried to kill myself, it was because I felt alone and like no one would care if I was gone. I thought that I was preventing that from happening to Connor, but all I was doing was erasing him. And he deserves to be remembered; actually remembered.”

Evan collapsed to the ground, too exhausted to stand. Both Cynthia and Larry stared at him, unable to speak. Zoe, however, found her voice. “What the fuck is wrong with you?! I trusted you Evan! I thought that you trusted me too. How could you lie to us like this? How could you manipulate us like this? How could you use us, use me, like this? How could you?!” Before Evan could even answer, Zoe ran off. 

Evan attempted to stand and go after her, but Larry stopped him. “Leave her,” he instructed. “There’s nothing you could say now that could help.” Evan looked helplessly up at him. “Thank you for telling us,” Cynthia finally managed to say. Evan and Larry looked at her in surprise. “I know it was hard to do,” she continued. “I’m upset and hurt right now, but at least I know the truth. Everything has been such an emotional storm. I feel like my baby was ripped from me, given back, then taken again, but at least I’m not lying to myself. At least I...” she dissolved into a sob. “I think you should probably go home now,” Larry suggested. 

As Evan struggled to get up, Larry held out a hand. Evan shakily took it. He felt absolutely awful for what he had done. They were all clearly in so much pain. But at least now Connor could finally be remembered for who he really was. Maybe now the real Connor wouldn’t disappear.

Evan wordlessly left the Murphy’s house and made his way back to his mom’s car. As soon as he sat back down in the passenger’s seat, she wrapped her arms around him in a hug. “It’s okay, baby,” she promised. “You did the right thing. I’m so, so proud of you.” Evan nodded silently then sobbed into her arms.

Once his crying had subsided, Evan pulled out his phone and hit post. He then made his way to the GoFundMe and began to refund the money. The Connor Project was coming to an end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this isn’t getting too depressing for people. I promise there will be more happiness and cute Jared moments soon!


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone is left dealing with the aftermath of the reveal and the complicated nature of their feelings.

Zoe collapsed on her bed and started to sob. How could he? How could he? How could he? How could he?! How could Evan have done something like that? He seemed like such a nice person! He was such a great boyfriend. He had been there for her in her time of need and made her feel wanted and loved. Was any of it true?

Zoe felt so lost and alone. She had just barely started to think that maybe Connor wasn’t such a bad guy after all. The Connor Evan told her about was flawed and jealous, but he did have a heart. She wanted so badly for that to be the real one.

And then of course there was her broken relationship with Evan. At first she had wanted nothing to do with him, but he had been so sweet and warm that she couldn’t help it. He made her feel happy when nothing else did. But now that was gone and Zoe started to realize just how alone she truly was. 

Shuddering, she wrapped herself up in her blankets and cried herself to sleep. Although she had once promised she would not cry for Connor, she was not completely convinced that her tears now were for Evan alone.

———

As soon as he got back home, Evan turned his phone off and collapsed into bed. Heidi agreed to let him stay home the next day since it was late and he was clearly in no shape to be out in public.

Heidi also called into work and said that she would be unable to make it for her shift. She could tell how vulnerable Evan was right now and she didn’t want to leave him home alone any more than she wanted to force him to go to school.

Evan had to admit that it was sort of nice. Even though he was still super stressed out, he enjoyed having a day with his mom. The two of them talked, played games, and watched movies. For dinner they even decided to go out and get tacos.

Although Evan wasn’t sure if he would ever be ready to face people again, by the time he went to bed that night, his anxiety had subsided down to only slightly higher than normal. He also knew that the longer he avoided it, the harder it would become. At least he would be able to see Jared if he went back to school. 

Thinking about Jared calmed him down even more. He knew that, no matter what the rest of the world said, Jared wasn’t going to leave him or be mad at him. It was funny really. In that stupid letter, Evan had claimed that all his hopes were pinned on Zoe, yet now he was terrified of her. And now Jared, one of the reasons why he had written he letter in the first place, was the one all his hopes were pinned on. As he drifted off into an uneasy sleep, Evan wondered if maybe one day he could place his hopes on himself.

———

The next morning, Evan made his way through the hallway. Much to his discomfort, everyone seemed to be staring at him and whispering. As he approached his locker, he felt a pair of hands roughly grab him and spin him around. Before he could react, one of the hands reached out and slapped him across the face.

It wasn’t a particularly hard blow, but it still stung. “Where were you yesterday?!” Jared demanded, tears welling up in his eyes. “You didn’t come to school, you didn’t answer your phone, and when I went over to your place last night, you didn’t even answer the door! Do you know how scared I was? You posted that heart wrenching video last night then just disappeared!

And speaking of heart wrenching things, why the fuck did you not tell me you tried to kill yourself last summer? Did you not think that was important? And that letter you wrote! Why didn’t you tell me how much pain you were in then? I knew it was going to be bad if it was mistaken for a suicide note, but it was so much worse than I ever could have imagined. 

I was so scared Evan! You seemed so suicidal, then you just disappeared without a trace. I thought that you...”

Jared’s words were cut off by a hug from Evan. “I’m so sorry Jared. I was just scared to see the notifications so I turned my phone off. I stayed home with my mom yesterday and we went out for dinner, so we must have crossed paths. I should have contacted you to say I was okay though. And I am okay. I don’t feel the way I did anymore. I’m not in a good place right now, but I’m not in that dark place anymore. And if I ever end up there again, there are people I can turn to now.”

Jared nodded. “That’s right. I’ll always be there for you.” Evan released Jared from the hug and smiled warmly at him for a second before slapping him back. Jared blinked in surprise as his glasses clattered to the ground. “I’m guessing that trying to take all the blame for myself was not the right thing to do?” he admitted sheepishly. Evan nodded meaningfully, picked up Jared’s glasses, then hugged him again.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As people continue to deal with a aftermath a few surprises are revealed, some good and some not so much.

Zoe stood in the shadows as she watched the two of them hug. She felt frozen, unable to decide if she wanted to go to Evan or run away. “That was a real jerk move he pulled, wasn’t it?” Zoe jumped at the sound of the voice. “Hey Zoe,” Alana continued. “How are you?” Zoe stared at her suspiciously. “What you do want?” she snapped. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay. And I wanted to apologize to you. I might not have made up an entire fictional friendship, but even I acted like I knew Connor better than I did. In the grand scheme of things, I’m really no better than Evan was.”

Alana looked at the ground, ashamed. “At least you didn’t try to date me,” Zoe muttered. Her face was scrunched up with anger. She was still hurt and confused by what Evan had done and it was hard not to feel bitter about it. Had he really cared about Connor or did he lie to her just to get into her pants?

“No,” Alana admitted, snapping Zoe out of her dark thoughts. “I never had the guts to actually outright approach you. But really, I think that I’m a lot more like Evan than you think I am.” Zoe looked at Alana with a bit of surprise. “Was that a confession?” Alana’s face turned bring red. “Oh! No! Oh my god, I’m so sorry! You’re already going through so much and you literally just had this horrible revelation and obviously this is the worst time possible! I’m so sorry!” Alana ran away as fast as she could. This is what she got for trying to get too close to someone. This is always what she got for trying to get too close to someone.

Zoe stared after her for a few seconds then turned and left in the opposite direction. Now was not the time to deal with this.

——-

“By the way, have you checked the Connor Project page or GoFundMe since two nights ago?” Jared asked curiously. “No. I’ve been too scared to,” Evan admitted. “I think you should take a look.”

Taking a nervous breath, Evan turned on his phone and navigated to the website. Just as he suspected, he was getting a lot of hate for what he did. What he didn’t expect, however, was the support. Hundreds of people were cheering him on, maybe even thousands. For every one death threat he received, there were multiple messages of support. People found the whole thing tragically beautiful. Three lost and lonely kids came together after a tragic death to try and prove that all people mattered. 

Evan felt his face grow hot. After the hatred that Jared had received, he had no hope for himself, yet so many people seemed happy to see him find the courage to tell the truth and inspired by the love he and Jared had displayed. Was it really possible that the Connor Project had not completely fallen apart?

“Now check the GoFundMe!” Jared exclaimed. Evan navigated to the page and nearly dropped his phone. Somehow they were above goal! “H-how?” Evan asked, confused. “You inspired people, Evan. Not because of a fake friendship or because you said some pretty words, but because you showed everyone just how powerful love and friendship can be. People didn’t lose faith because you didn’t actually destroy your point; you only changed the example.”

Evan smiled warmly at Jared, feeling absolutely giddy. He then held out a hand for a fist bump. “I guess this means we have an Orchard to open this week!” Jared grinned back as he bumped fists then made a quick finger gun. “I’m looking forward to it!” Evan snorted a little at the action, but made some guns of his own in return. The two boys dissolved into laughter then hugged again before parting ways for class.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared noticed that Alana isn’t in class and starts worrying about her.

From the moment he walked into his math class, Jared noticed that something was wrong. A few seconds later, it dawned on him that Alana was missing. She was usually there early, but her seat was conspicuously empty. He had seen her just yesterday and while she was clearly stressed out, she hadn’t seemed under the weather. He wondered what was wrong. His concerns were further deepened when he received no reply to his text.

After class, Jared attempted to call her, but once again she didn’t answer. He debated skipping school to find her, but he didn’t want to leave Evan alone. He had third period with Evan, so he had to be back to class by then, but he figured that he could at least spend second period looking around the school for her. Hopefully she was there somewhere.

Jared checked the library first then the club rooms for each of Alana’s many extracurriculars that he knew about. He tried texting her again, but there was still no response. 

The period was halfway over when Jared finally made his way outside. He saw someone sitting under the trees that lined the edge of the school and ran over.

“Alana!” He called out, relieved to have found her. “What are you doing out here? Are you okay?” Alana picked her head up off her knees when she heard her name. Her face was wet and her eyes were puffy. “Alana! What’s wrong? What happened?” Jared asked, concerned, when he saw her like that. Although he had seen her composure crack before, Jared had never seen Alana even come close to breaking like this before.

“It’s nothing,” she insisted, hastily wiping the tears off her cheeks. “It’s clearly not nothing,” Jared said, sitting down beside her. He placed an arm gently around her shoulder. “I know that things are probably pretty rough right now and I’m really sorry for leaving you in the dark about the whole Connor thing. Neither Evan nor I ever meant to hurt you, but I’m really sorry that we dragged you into this mess.”

Alana shook her head. She was a little angry at the two of them, but mainly she was just angry at herself. “I accidentally told Zoe that I like her,” she finally admitted. “Here she is, at what might be the lowest point of her life, and I went and confessed to her.” Jared looked surprised. “I didn’t know that you were a lesbian,” he admitted, seeming completely unphased by the timing of it all. “I never told anyone,” Alana replied. “Well, until today anyways. Amazing timing, isn’t it?” Jared stared at Alana. She really seemed so lost. Once again Jared was reminded of how similar the two of them were. “The timing wasn’t great,” he agreed, “but it was clearly an accident so I think Zoe will forgive you. Besides, you didn’t ask her out or anything, right? Just saying you like her isn’t an insult.”

“I don’t even know if Zoe likes girls that way,” Alana protested. “Besides, now she’ll think I’m trying to play rebound.” “I really don’t think that she’ll feel that way. You’re not that kind of person and she knows it. Just give her a little time then talk to her again. I’m sure things will work out.”

The two of them lapsed into silence for a couple of minutes. Alana felt a little better, but she was still worried. For his part, Jared mainly felt honored that Alana would trust him with something so important. Eventually Jared decided to break the silence. “I’m gay,” he said quietly.

Alana blinked. “Really?” “Yeah. I’ve never told anyone before, not even my parents or Evan.” “Then why would you tell me?” Alana looked really confused. “Because you’re my friend, Alana. I trust you and I know you wouldn’t use that knowledge to hurt me. Just as I will never use the fact that you like Zoe against you.” Alana stared at Jared, her eyes full of gratitude. “Thank you. I’m lucky to have an acq-friend like you.”

The two of them lapsed back into silence, but it was a happier one now. They stayed that way until they heard the faint sound of a bell ringing from inside. Jared stood up. “I need to get to my next class since Evan is there too, but see you at lunch?” he asked. Alana nodded. “I’ll see you at lunch, friend.” Jared grinned and made finger guns at her. Alana let out a weak chuckle and made finger guns back at him.

She wasn’t quite ready to head back to her classes yet, but Alana felt a little better. She still hated herself for the horrible timing of the confession, but hopefully Jared was right and it would all work out. At least she was certain now that somebody cared about her. She pulled her phone out of her purse and smiled when she noticed the messages and missed call. Not only had Jared come to find her, but he had noticed her absence in minutes. It felt good to finally have a friend.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared, Evan, and Alana eat lunch together and finally settle things between them.

Having so many eyes on him was terrifying and Evan didn’t think he would ever get used to it, but at least Jared was there beside him. He was pretty sure that was the only reason he was able to walk into the cafeteria without hyperventilating.

He decided to wait in line with Jared to buy his lunch rather than wait at a table by himself. He was worried that if he was alone, other people might try to talk to him about the Connor Project. Fortunately when the two boys were done in line, they noticed Alana sitting at a smaller table by herself.

“Is it okay for us to join her?” Evan asked Jared nervously. “She might be pretty mad right now.” “Even if she’s mad, she’s still our friend you know,” Jared replied. “I just don’t want to make things worse,” Evan insisted. Jared gently grabbed his arm. “Come on, Ev. I’m sure that Alana wants the company.”

Evan awkwardly sat down. He was having trouble looking Alana in the face. “S-so, h-how are you?” he eventually managed to force out. “I’ve been better,” Alana replied. “We can leave if you want,” Evan offered. Alana looked up a little sadly. “I don’t want you to leave, Evan. I’m just not in a great place right now. Jared was a huge help earlier, but I’m still not completely better.”

“Oh. Sorry again. It really wasn’t okay for me to drag you into stuff like this,” Evan apologized. Alana smiled a little. “That’s basically what Jared said. I’m not mad about it. I mean, I am a little mad, but I understand and I appreciate your concern. I’ll be okay. Things are just sort of crazy right now.” Jared placed a hand on her shoulder. “Give it a little time, I promise that things will work out.” 

Evan smiled at his friends. “I’m really happy to see that you guys have gotten close. I was worried when I started the Connor Project that you would constantly clash and hate each other.” “Actually we’re surprisingly similar,” Jared said with a smile. Alana nodded then smiled a little mischievously. “I’m definitely smarter, friendlier, and more accomplished than Jared, but other than that we are basically the same person.” Both Jared’s and Evan’s jaws dropped. “I guess maybe Jared is a little bit funnier than me,” Alana offered, the gleam in her eyes still there. 

“You know, maybe you two becoming friends was actually a bad idea. You’re starting to rub off on her!” Evan complained. Jared and Alana laughed. “Jared is a great friend,” Alana finally relented, her face growing more serious. “I felt really alone today, but he was there for me when I needed him.” Evan placed a hand atop of each of their hands. “None of us here are perfect and none of us feel good all the time, but we have each other now.”

Alana squeezed Evan’s hand. “Does this mean I can start calling you ‘friend’ instead of acquaintance?” Evan found the courage to look her directly in the eyes, “if you would have me as a friend, then there is nothing that I would like more.” 

The three of them spent the rest of the period talking and laughing. They agreed to meet up after school to work on the Orchard. It was really exciting to think that they were actually going to build it.

Occasionally Evan would hear a laugh from across the cafeteria and freeze up and a few times Alana remembered Zoe and felt the depression return, but they were as happy as they could be in that moment. 

As they were disposing of the trash, Jared caught Alana and pulled her aside. “I noticed you didn’t mention Zoe to Evan. Do you not want him to know?” “I don’t want to complicate things,” Alana admitted. “I also didn’t want him to start wondering about you. After we compared ourselves so much, admitting that I’m a lesbian might reveal that your gay.” Jared shrugged. “It’s up to you, Lana. I’m not going to tell Evan right now, but you can feel free to tell him if you want. Otherwise I’ll keep it a secret.”

Alana nodded, smiling a little at the nickname. “Let’s keep it a secret for now. I’ll out myself to him eventually, but for now, I think it’s better I just let it be. Besides, it’s unlikely I’m going to start dating her any time soon.” Jared agreed. Eventually they would come out to Evan and others, but for now it was nice to just have someone who knew and he was sure Alana felt the same way.

The two of them rejoined Evan and made their way back to their lockers. Evan hardly noticed the stares anymore. Having a friend walk on either side of him really helped to keep him grounded and happy. He knew that it wasn’t going to cure his anxiety, but that was okay. It was enough to just know that he was not alone.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alana realizes that she needs to sort things out with Zoe before any more problems arise.

The rest of the day went by uneventfully for Alana. She didn’t have any classes with Zoe since they were in different grades. Just as she was starting to think that she wouldn’t see Zoe again for the rest of the day, as Alana was packing up her things to head home, she spotted Zoe walking her way. Part of her wanted to run away again, but she thought about what Jared and Evan had told her. She was going to have to face Zoe at some point and it was probably better to apologize to her sooner rather than later. Taking a deep breath, Alana pasted a smile on her face and made her way over.

“Hi Zoe!” She said in her most chipper voice. “How’s it going?” Zoe made a face at her. “Right...” Alana’s cheerful facade quickly faded. What was she doing?

Zoe sighed. “Listen, I’m not mad at you Alana. I’m just not really in the mood to deal with this right now.” Alana nodded. “I just wanted to come by and say I’m sorry for bringing it up. I know things are hard for you right now and the last thing you need is for someone to mess with your feelings.”

Zoe shook her head sadly. “I just don’t know what I’m doing anymore or what I can trust. I thought I could trust Evan but I couldn’t, my parents are too busy dealing with their own grief to be of any help, and I’m starting to wonder if I can even believe my own feelings. Especially with Connor. I hated him, but then Evan said good things about him, but then none of it turned out to be true. I feel like everything I thought I knew about everything has been uprooted and now I’m just so lost right now.”

Zoe was crying. She hadn’t meant to tell this to anyone, but Alana was there and she just needed someone to talk to. “I’m so sorry Zoe. I wish I knew how to help.” Alana looked miserably at the ground. How could she make any of this better?

“I don’t know how anyone could really help,” Zoe admitted. “Right now I don’t know what I need.” “Well, if you ever want to talk to someone, I’m all ears. I don’t think I can give good advice in this case, but maybe I could be a shoulder to cry on or an ice cream delivery service or a movie buddy or something.” Zoe cracked a small smile. “Sure. Ice cream and a movie sounds pretty good right now. Just not as a date though,” she clarified.

“Of course not!” Alana said, horrified. “I promise, this is just an act of friendship. I’m not going to make any moves on you!” Zoe nodded. “Then it’s settled. I’ll take you back to my place tonight!” “Sounds great!” Alana exclaimed before suddenly going pale. 

“I actually promised Evan and Jared I would help with the Connor Project after school today. I’m so sorry!” Alana felt really bad, but after she gave Evan grief for ignoring the project to be with Zoe, it was hardly fair for her to do the same.

“Just go to her house, Alana. We can handle this for today.” Alana jumped at the voice. “Evan!” She cried in surprise. “You scared me half to death!” “Sorry,” he said, embarrassed. Jared chuckled a little at the exchange.

Zoe only glared at them. She understood that Alana had to work with them to get the Orchard set up, but quite frankly she didn’t understand why they even needed it. It wasn’t like the place actually had any meaning for Connor.

“Well, you guys do what you want. Alana, are you coming?” Alana looked back at the two boys and smiled at the little shooing motion Jared was making. “Yeah, I’ll join you tonight,” she agreed.

The two girls made their way to Zoe’s car. Alana still felt a little bad about abandoning Jared and Evan, but she supposed that the Connor Project was started to help the Murphy’s mourn and that’s what she was doing now.

Although Zoe had to pay attention while driving, every chance she got, she snuck a glance at Alana. She still wasn’t sure if it was a good idea to have her over, but she was not in a good place and liked the idea of company. 

She had other friends, but honestly none of them really understood what was happening. Zoe knew they were trying to help, but they just didn’t know what to do or say and they either asked too many questions or said nothing at all. At least with Alana, she wouldn’t have to explain herself.

Besides, Alana seemed to still be friends with Evan. Maybe she could help her come to terms with what he did. Zoe didn’t know if she could ever forgive Evan, but she realized that she at least wanted to understand him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I realize this is slowly shifting into Galaxy Girls territory. I promise that Jared and Evan are still the main couple (and will eventually get resolution), but these two could also use some love in their lives (although maybe not just yet).


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared and Alana check in with each other as they try to sort out their feelings and where to go from here.

Alana was beyond grateful to Jared and Evan. The two of them had handled the GoFundMe wonderfully and they had been so supportive of her. The night she spent with Zoe had started out pretty awkwardly, but with enough ice cream and bad comedies in their systems, the two girls had started to have fun. They didn’t talk about anything meaningful, but they had enjoyed each other’s company. And by the end, they decided to be friends.

It stung a little bit that she and Zoe wouldn’t be a couple, but Alana still liked her as a friend. She also understood that Zoe wasn’t ready for a relationship right now and she shouldn’t push her.

Of course, as happy as she was that she and Zoe were friends now, Alana hated the fact that her new friends hated each other. Jared and Evan seemed surprisingly okay with the friendships, but Zoe definitely resented her relationship with Evan a little.

When Alana raised that concern with him the next morning, Evan insisted that she focus on Zoe right now when she wasn’t working on the Connor Project. She felt a little funny ditching him and Jared to hang out with Zoe, but Evan insisted that his relationship with Zoe had nothing to do with Alana’s and that at the moment Zoe seemed to need a friend more than he did, so there was no reason she should feel guilty. Jared wholeheartedly agreed with him.

Later during lunch, Alana spotted Jared before Evan or Zoe arrived and made her way over to him. “Hey Lana,” he called out to her. “You’re going to sit with Zoe today, right?” Alana nodded. “So what’s your status with her? I didn’t want to ask in front of Evan this morning, but I wanted to check in on that.” “We’re just friends for now,” she admitted. “That’s probably for the best. But don’t worry. Being ‘just friends’ with Evan is still the literal best feeling in the world to me, so I’m sure you’ll still be happy!”

“So you really are in love with him?” Alana asked with a smile. “Yeah. With every fiber of my being. He means everything to me.” “You don’t think he could feel the same way back?” she inquired. “I don’t know,” Jared admitted, “but right now it’s clear he isn’t ready for another relationship. He really did love Zoe and I know that the breakup was rough for him too. I think that right now he really just needs a friend.”

“I think that Zoe really loved him too,” Alana admitted. “She’s clearly hurting herself. Do you think that they should get back together? Not now obviously, but some day?” She looked nervously at Jared. As much as she didn’t want to share Zoe, if she could be happy with Evan, then shouldn’t she root for that to happen? “If they want to,” Jared replied. “I won’t stop Evan if he decides he loves Zoe or anyone else, but I’m not going to try and push him towards someone either. And not just because he’s still sore from the breakup. I just don’t think it’s right to meddle in his love life.”

“So we just let them be and support them in their decisions?” Alana asked. “I think that’s the best thing for everyone,” Jared confirmed. “And hey, if they don’t end up together, then maybe it’s because they were meant to be with someone else.” Alana smiled at him. “I know you said you wouldn’t push him towards someone else, but if you ever feel the timing is right, don’t be afraid to make a move yourself. He and Zoe might have made a good couple, but I guess as long as my friends are happy, I don’t really care who ends up with whom. I’m rooting for you just as much as I am for her.”

Jared grinned back at Alana. “I’m rooting for you too. I don’t know what our futures are going to hold, but hopefully all four of us can find happiness!” The two of them hugged before Alana spotted Zoe and ran off the join her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short chapter here to check in on everyone. I platonically ship Jared and Alana so hard. I really feel like they are so emotionally and mentally stabling for each other.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As time goes on, all four of them strive towards healthier relationships and lives.

Zoe smiled a little sadly when she saw Alana heading her way. She was happy to have her friendship and support, but she felt like she was ripping her away from Jared and Evan. She sat down at a table with a few other girls she knew and made room for Alana to sit next to her.

After some basic introductions, Zoe turned back to Alana. “You two seem like good friends,” she said motioning to Jared who was now in the lunch line. “Jared’s great,” Alana confirmed. “Evan’s a great friend too, but Jared is the first real friend I ever had, so he’s probably the closest thing I have to a best friend.” Alana smiled at the thought. “Not that you aren’t an amazing friend!” she quickly added, feeling her face grow hot. 

Zoe chuckled. “I’m glad that you have some real friends now. You always looked so alone.” Alana looked a little surprised. “Is that why in the past you went out of your way to say hi to me?” she asked. Zoe shrugged. “You just seemed like a nice person. I’m not super great at making friends, but you were always a friendly face in a crowd.” “You were too,” Alana assured her.

“I feel sort of bad that I’m keeping you away from the rest of your friends,” Zoe admitted. “It’s okay. I can always switch off who I sit with. It’s actually sort of nice to have multiple friend groups!” Zoe smiled again. “I bet it would be even nicer to have one big one.” Alana shrugged. “It would be nice, but you don’t need to forgive Evan on my account. I’d love to see you two make up one day and I know that Evan is really sorry, but I don’t expect you to just be able to brush off the pain just like that.” 

Zoe nodded. “Thanks, Alana. I hope that we can work things out one day too. I’m not ready to talk to him yet, but I don’t think I’ll stay mad forever. Besides, just knowing that he’s sorry means a lot to me. There was a part of me that wondered if he was just a manipulative asshole, but it’s clear now that he just made a mistake. I think that when the time comes, that will be a lot easier to forgive.”

Alana opened her mouth to praise Zoe on her maturity when a grape suddenly bounced off Zoe’s forehead. “What do you mean ‘bad at making friends’?” Zoe’s friend Bea asked. “Just what are you implying about us?” Zoe smiled at her. “I just mean that I take a while to warm up and open up to people. Don’t worry. You’re still my friend!” Bea pouted a little, but in a joking way. Alana chuckled. It actually was really nice to have people to sit with.

———

And so a couple of weeks passed. Alana bounced back and forth between the two friend groups. They made the payments on the Orchard and began preparing for the opening ceremony. Things were pretty crazy in her life right now, but it was a better crazy than before.

Evan and Jared continued to grow closer as they spent more and more time together. The two would alternate which house they went to together almost every evening. Dr. Sherman was a little worried about how much time they were spending together, but as Evan’s letters grew more positive and his lies became less frequent, even he had to admit that it was good for Evan. 

Heidi was absolutely thrilled to see her son spending more time around others and having a purpose in his life. The two of them had started to set aside one night each week to spend together. It wasn’t easy with their busy schedules, but it was worth it to have a good family bond.

Altogether, things were starting to look up. Yet the tension between Evan and the Murphy’s remained. Cynthia and Larry were still on board with opening the Orchard and they did want to be involved in the ceremony, but they mainly interacted with Alana and tended to keep Evan at a distance. 

Zoe was still unsure how she felt about the orchard, but she was staring to wonder if maybe she should let Evan back in a little. She had not yet forgiven him, but her anger was far less powerful now. And every time she checked the Connor Project page, she was once again amazed by the good it was doing. 

Jared, Evan, and Alana worked hard to keep everyone up to date and included. Now that the money for the orchard has been raised, the website seemed even more active. It was less formal now and a lot more emotional. It was very clearly a place of love and support.

So now here Zoe was, preparing to talk to Evan and finally settle things between them. She stared at him for almost two minutes, watching as he tried his best not to fidget or pull on the hem of his shirt. Despite how nervous he clearly was, Zoe had to admit that he seemed more confident now that he would have before in a similar situation. 

It was weird to her to see him like this. It was almost like that time back all those months ago when she apologized for Connor after he pushed him. Only this time Evan wasn’t just the weird kid who was a little too excited by jazz band. Life really had a funny way of twisting and turning.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time is a powerful force in healing wounds. A new friend can also help.

“Evan,” Zoe finally began, “I think that you are a nice person. I think that you were a great boyfriend. I think that you could be a great friend, but right now I just don’t know. I feel like I barely know you at all. I just don’t know what about our relationship was a lie and what was the truth. Please, Evan. Please help me to understand.”

Evan forced himself to meet Zoe’s eyes. “Everything I said about you was true. Well, not the part where I said that Connor talked about you, but all the rest. I really did think that you were an amazing person. I still think that. You are like the sun. You are warm and bright and bring light into this world. In my note, I said that you were my reason to live. In that moment, I think I might have meant it. You were my crutch and North Star. You were like a goddess that I prayed to each day. Then suddenly you decided to grace me, a mere mortal, with your presence, and I didn’t know how to respond. The truth is that, despite how many trivial facts I learned about you, I still don’t really know you. I never really managed to see you not as a goddess, but rather as another human being. I think that you are an amazing person and I love spending time with you, but just like how I was only friends with the idea of Connor, I can’t know for sure that I wasn’t just in love with the idea of you. I know that we already broke up, so this is sort of pointless and maybe even rude, but I don’t actually think that we could be a couple right now. I’m so sorry Zoe. For everything.”

Amazed by what he had just said, Zoe began to laugh. There was something incredibly absurd about him breaking up with her like that. Yet she was also greatful. She finally understood where they stood with each other. And she found she was no longer mad. They had just been two lonely people searching for someone to ease the pain and they had stumbled into each other. They were there for each other when neither had anyone else to rely on, but a love like that could never hold out.

“I still haven’t forgiven you, Evan. I’m sure I will one day, but it will take time. I do, however, accept your apology. I know that you didn’t mean to hurt me. And for the record, it is totally a dick move to break up with someone who already broke up with you.”

Zoe held a hand out towards Evan. Evan looked down at his hand for a second; his palms were definitely sweaty. He then reached out and grabbed Zoe’s hand back. If he was going to start getting better, then he needed to accept that people might not always like everything he did, and that was okay. Zoe offered him the hand, so he didn’t need to worry how sweaty his palms might be.

——-

Just as Zoe said, with time came forgivness. It wasn’t a fast process, but as the months wore on, Zoe and Evan started to talk more and more again. It helped that Jared and Alana were always so supportive of them. Zoe had never really liked Jared before, but she was starting to see why Evan and Alana like him so much. Once she looked past his sometimes inappropriate sense of humor, Zoe saw a kind and supportive guy who always put his friends first. It was actually nice to see that being wrong about someone didn’t always mean getting hurt.

That feeling was only magnified when she met Miguel. He had attended the opening of the Connor Murphy Memorial Orchard. At first it was hard for her to believe what he was saying, but when he showed her the pictures, she knew it had to be true. Her poor mom had an even harder time accepting it, but eventually she came to beleive him as well.

As it turned out, Connor actually did have a friend. Miguel had been too scared and confused to say anything back when Evan was pretending to be Connor’s friend, but once the truth came out, he had worked up the courage to come forward and add to the story.

It wasn’t the Connor that Evan had told her about, but the Connor Miguel had know was still a better person than the one in her head. Once again Zoe was happy to be wrong. She was sad that she never got to meet the Connor she heard about, but at least now she could remember him for whom he truly was. 

So there were five people running the website now. Despite the initial hiccups, the Connor Project was still going strong. The focus had shifted a bit since the orchard was built, but honestly everyone liked it more this way. And Jared had been right; it really was more about helping those who felt lost and alone. 

None of them had completely recovered for the tragedies and confusion yet, but they were all slowly starting to heal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the first chapter with book relevant information. Basically Miguel was Connor’s friend, but he never came forward to counter Evan’s claims and only much later finds Evan to tell him the truth. 
> 
> As for my story, things are starting to wind down a little. There will probably only be a few more chapters left and they should be a little fluffier. I think everyone in this fic has had enough angst for a lifetime


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared and Zoe have a heart to heart about their plans for prom.

And so time continued to pass. Although the Connor Project was still a big time commitment, they began to find time for other things too. They found themselves bowling, watching movies, and hanging out together. Despite their rather unusual friendship origins, they looked like normal teenagers. 

Then prom approached. In the craze of the Connor Project, only Alana had cared about homecoming and only because she helped run it, but now Jared, Alana, Zoe, and Evan began talking about going. Miguel wasn’t allowed to go since he went to a different school, but he said that it wasn’t really his scene anyways. Everyone assumed that it was really because he didn’t want to be reminded that he couldn’t take Connor with him, but nobody wanted to say anything. Besides, none of them knew if they would go as dates or as a group either.

By this point, Jared had come out as gay and Alana as lesbian. Miguel was openly gay already and Zoe was pretty open about being pan. Evan wasn’t really sure what his sexuality was, but he figured that was probably due to having only been attracted to a few people. 

Despite opening up about their sexualities, Jared had still not confessed to Evan. He told himself it was because Evan wasn’t ready for a relationship yet, but he wasn’t sure if that was true.

Alana has also never readdressed her feelings for Zoe. She had promised to not make any moves on her and she intended to keep it that way.

————

Jared frowned when he heard his doorbell ring. He wasn’t expecting any company and no one had texted him about coming over. He was therefore quite surprised when he discovered it was Zoe. Although they got along well enough, they had never hung out just the two of them before.

“Hey Zoe,” he said, trying his best to keep the surprise out of his voice. “Hey Jared. Mind if we talk a little?” “Oh. No. I mean, umm, come in,” Jared replied, awkwardly moving out of the way to let Zoe in.

Zoe plopped down on the couch and waited for Jared to join her. She had been over to his house before, but never alone.

Jared sat down beside her. “So, what’s up?” he asked. “You like Evan, right?” Zoe responded, getting straight to the point. Jared turned bright red. “That obvious?” Zoe nodded. “Did you want to go to prom with him as a date?” Jared bit his lip. “I don’t know. I mean, I want to, but I’m scared to, you know? I don’t want to ruin our friendship and I don’t want to push him into something he isn’t ready for.”

Zoe smiled a little sadly. She had come over to ask Jared if it would be okay if she and Alana went as a couple. She figured that he would be fine with it if he and Evan went together too. Zoe was pretty sure that Evan liked Jared back, but she did understand his hesitation.

“Don’t let my hesitation with Evan prevent you from asking Alana out,” Jared said, realizing why Zoe was there. Zoe shook her head. “Sometimes you really surprise me Kleinman. You’re a lot more perceptive than you appear.” “Thanks?” Jared replied, not sure if that was an insult or a compliment. Zoe laughed.

“You’re a good person Jared. I know you don’t want to hurt Evan, but I don’t think that asking him out will. I can’t say for certain, but I think that as long as you don’t set an ultimatum for him in regards to your friendship, there’s no harm in asking.” 

Jared thought about this. “Maybe you’re right,” he finally agreed. “I would hate myself if it turns out he wanted to go with me and we didn’t because I never asked.” Zoe smiled at him. “Other than the whole Connor thing, Evan was a really good boyfriend. He was kind, gentle, affectionate, and extremely dedicated. He’s the sort of guy whom I worry will be taken advantage of. You are perhaps the one person I fully trust with him. Evan deserves someone who will make him happy and I genuinely believe you can do that.”

Jared smiled back. “You’re a good person too. I always thought that Evan loved you just because you were someone he could latch onto, but it’s clear now that you were actually just a really good girlfriend. Alana is also one of my closest friends and I would never support you dating if I didn’t feel you would be good for her.”

Zoe leaned over and hugged Jared. She was really happy that he had become her friend. He was dorky, awkward, and didn’t always have a filter, but he had a heart of gold and would stand by his friends through thick and thin. Jared happily hugged Zoe back. 

The two of them parted ways far more excited about prom than they were before they met up. Zoe already had a plan to ask Alana out, but Jared still needed to come up with one for Evan.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared attempts to ask Evan to go to prom with him, but is in for a little surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a lot fluffier than most, but it’s almost at the end of the story and Jared and Evan need a little bit of cute love!

Jared spent the rest of the day trying to come up with the perfect promposal plan. It had to be something sweet and meaningful, but also private and not embarrassing. He wanted to do something with trees. Trees were something significant in Evan’s life and something important in their relationship. Maybe something with acorns? It would be nice if he could turn a negative memory into a positive one like that.

Eventually Jared decided just to write “PROM?” out in acorns under a tree. He didn’t want to do it at the Orchard or Ellison State Park since both of those held too many other memories, so he decided on a small local park. The next day was a Sunday, so Jared asked Evan if he wanted to go to the movies together. He figured that after the movie they could get fast food and eat it in the park. Evan eagerly agreed.

————

Evan jumped nervously when he heard Jared honk the horn to let him know he had arrived. He tried his best to steady his heart rate and keep his face calm. Jared was pretty good at reading him, so if he looked to suspicious, he would spoil everything.

Fortunately Jared didn’t seem to notice anything was off. The two of them made their way to the theater and bought two tickets to some bad comedy. Evan didn’t like sitting in crowded theaters, so he usually went at strange times or to bad movies with his friends to decrease the crowds. Bad movies were often a lot of fun to see with other people, so it was never a problem.

It was even less of a problem that day, as Evan barely paid any attention to what was playing. He kept sneaking nervous glances over at Jared and playing around with the piece of paper in his pocket. Evan noticed that Jared also seemed weirdly tense, but he wasn’t sure if he was just projecting.

After the movie, the two of them made their way over to McDonalds and grabbed some food. Jared suggested they take it over to the local park and eat in a quieter and less crowded area. Evan happily agreed. He really didn’t want a lot of people around for what he was going to do.

As the two of them made their way over to the park, Jared sent a few quick text messages to Miguel. He was in charge of watching over Jared’s acorn writing and making sure that no one destroyed it. Miguel had laughed at the sappiness of the idea, but he thought it was sweet, so he agreed to help.

Sitting under the tree and staring at the word was a little painful to him, but Miguel reminded himself that he and Connor had never actually dated. It was just a what if that he would never have the answer for.

He was stirred out of his negative thoughts by Jared’s texts. They were on their way over. The plan was for them to eat lunch together then go for a walk. On the walk, they would come to a little patch of trees surrounded by flowers where Jared had arranged the acorns. Evan wouldn’t be able to see them just by walking up, but once he climbed a specific tree, the word would come into view.

As Evan and Jared sat down and began to eat, Evan started to play with the paper in his pocket again. He was extremely nervous, but he was pretty sure that there was not going to be a better time.

“Aren’t the trees pretty today?” Evan asked, hoping that Jared would look around. As soon as he did, Evan pulled the paper out of his pocket and slipped it into Jared’s bag along with his fries. He cringed a little when he saw that the paper was sort of wrinkled and sweat stained, but there was nothing he could do about that now.

“They’re really pretty, Ev. We should climb one after we eat!” Jared suggested, excited by how well things were playing out. “Sure Jare!” Evan agreed.

Satisfied that his plan was going to work, Jared returned to his food. He frowned when he reached into the bag for a fry and touched something paper instead. Pulling it out, Jared realized it was a piece of notebook paper that had been written on then folded up. He looked over at Evan who was very red and trying his best to look away. Confused, Jared unfolded the letter and began to read it.

_Dear Jared Kleinman,_

_Today is going to be a good day and here’s why. Because today I have worked up enough courage to say what I have wanted to for a while; I like you Jared, not just as a friend._

_Today is also a good day because even if you dont like me that way back, you are still my best friend in the entire world and I am so lucky to have you. Thank you for being so amazing._

_So now only one question remains. Will you go to prom with me?_

_Sincerely,_

_Me_

Jared’s eyes welled up with tears as he read the letter. He could only imagine how much courage it took on Evan’s part to give it to him. “Yes! Oh god, yes! A thousand times yes!” He cried grabbing onto Evan. “Of course I will go to prom with you! Oh, Evan! I love you so much!” Evan’s eyes lit up and he hugged Jared back.

After they finally let go, Jared grinned at Evan. “This was one of the sweetest things ever, Ev! I have something I want to show you too. It’s not quite as exciting as this letter, but I think you will still like it.”

Jared texted Miguel that he was coming with Evan, then lead the way further into the park. When they made it to the clearing, Jared said they should climb a tree. Evan was a little confused, but he agreed.

When they made it halfway up, Evan nearly slipped in surprise. Fortunately Jared was there to catch him. “So I guess I ruined your plans a little,” Evan said, laughing as he and Jared sat down on the branch. “A bit,” Jared agreed. “But in the absolutely best way possible. Trust me, what you did was amazing!” Evan grinned. “What you did was amazing too!”

When Miguel learned what happened during lunch, he laughed so hard he fell over. He said that there had never been a pair more suited for each other than Evan and Jared. Although they did have some competition as Zoe would be asking Alana to prom later that night.

Jared and Evan waited until Alana said yes before sharing the good news with the girls. All five of them laughed and hugged.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our five friends prepare for prom and prepare for their futures.

Even though Miguel was not permitted to join the rest of them for prom, he still came by to help them get ready. They decided to do it together in the Murphy’s house since it was the biggest and had the most bathroom space. Although Miguel seemed pretty cheerful, he would sometimes disappear into Connor’s room for a few minutes and just sort of stand there.

Eventually Zoe followed him in. “I’m sure you two would have made a lovely couple until you inevitably got kicked out for something.” Miguel smiled a little. “We weren’t always the best behaved,” he agreed. “I wish that he could see us now and be a part of this.” Zoe nodded in agreement. “There was a lot of life left for him to live, but at the time it must have been really hard for him to see that. It’s sad really, his death prevented him from ever experiencing stuff like this, but it’s also sort of the reason why we can.” 

Miguel picked up a sketchbook from Connor’s desk and began to flip through it. “I guess that means he mattered,” he finally said. “His death left a hole in all of us that we are never going to be able to fill, but it also brought us together. That means that his life had meaning, but he also didn’t die for nothing. I guess in this case, that might be the best anyone could ever ask for.”

Zoe sniffled a little. “Are you really sure you’re okay with us going to prom and leaving you behind?” Miguel nodded. “Connor never would have wanted to go anyways. I was thinking of heading to a field we used to hang out in while you guys were gone. It might be nice to spend a little time alone with him.” 

Zoe nodded. “Just make sure to join us again after prom, okay? We were going to hit up an IHOP and eat as many pancakes as possible.” Miguel smiled. “I wouldn’t miss it!” The two of them walked out of the room to rejoin the others, the sketchbook still in Miguel’s hands.

Miguel didn’t return to Connor’s room the rest of the evening. Although he still sorely missed his friend, he was happy to spend the time with the new ones he had found.

As everyone was finishing getting ready, Jared leaned in to fix Evan’s tie and felt something brush up against his lips. He leapt back nearly a yard when he realized what it was. Zoe lightly smacked Evan upside the head and scolded him for still kissing people by surprise like that. Evan only managed a few seconds of embarrassed apologies before Jared grabbed him and kissed him back. Zoe laughed and after a nod from Alana, followed suit.

————

Over the next month, the relationships continued to grow. It came as a sort of bittersweet feeling then, as they all prepared to graduate. 

Everyone was excited to start the next chapter in their lives, but the thought of saying goodbye was not pleasant. Alana had been accepted into Yale and super excited about it. Miguel and Jared did not bother applying to Ivy Leagues, but they were also both accepted into colleges they were happy with. Evan decided to stay local one more year and attend community college while he worked to save up some money. Zoe, of course, still had another year of high school.

It was going to be hard to have everyone spread out over the country, but they all promised the would stay in touch. They already had a group chat which they swore to keep active, and they promised they would Skype as well. They also still had the summer left to spend together, and they swore they would make it count. 

Miguel and Zoe both attended Jared, Evan, and Alana’s graduation ceremony. Miguel’s had been a week earlier and unfortunately on a weekday so none of the others could attend. Zoe actually had a role in the cerimony, as she was asked to receive a special diploma in Conor’s honor. 

By the time the cerimony was over, basically all of their parents were crying. After a lot of hugging and posing for what felt like a million pictures, the five of them all hopped into Zoe’s car.

After a short drive, they arrived at the orchard. It was a beautiful, sunny day and there was not a cloud in the sky. The five of them made their way into a clearing and sat down together. They only brought sandwiches with them, but it was still enjoyable to sit together and eat. 

Their lives would be changing soon, but they had withstood change before and could do it again. Zoe looked over at the special diploma. She still wasn’t completely sure how she felt about it, but she supposed it was only fair. Even though he wasn’t able to make the journey with them, he was still a part of it.

A light breeze rustled the trees, causing everyone to look up. As they sat there, staring at the sky, they all felt content in the knowledge that, no matter how far apart they were, none of them were alone. 

They made a promise that day to meet together in that orchard once a year for the rest of their lives. Although the rest of their lives was a long time that would hold many more twists and turns, they wanted something to unite them. They wanted a promise that, no matter what became of them, all six of them would never forget each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that’s it. I hope you guys liked it! Please feel free to leave comments with your thoughts.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic of these two, but will likely not be my last. I hope you enjoy my sappy, angsty romance as much as I enjoy writing it!


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